Note: This marks my last blog from Oxford. Next week I’ll be moving into my new home in Washington.
This week wraps up our series on growing older. Be sure to post any comments you have. I love for these things to become discussions. If you’re wondering, my profile song is no longer coordinated with the blog… the fine folks at myspace deleted my fake Randy Travis music account.
“Don’t settle.”
That was my motto through high school.
Let’s start off by defining what I mean by “settling.”
Settle – v. – to make decisions preventing you from reaching your full potential.
Settling can be taking a job that is below you. Marrying someone who holds you back. Deciding on something, or sticking with something that limits you.
With this definition, who among us has not settled? Does anyone really reach their true potential? I dare say no. Just my opinion.
But I’m talking about a more permanent “settle” than just a poor decision here or there. I’m talking about the settling that comes from just giving up, or taking the easy way. The way that pays off now, as opposed to the way that’s better off in the long run.
It’s the difference between a boy and a man.
At some point during the maturing process, a boy begins to look beyond the next five minutes and start worrying about the next five years. That perspective shapes his decision making.
There’s a constant contradiction between what feels good and what feels right.
Those decisions may lead one of two ways. To settle, or surpass.
One thing is certain: you will not be the same person you are now in five years. You’ll either be better or worse; you won’t be the same.
The older I get and the more I think about it, the less I can accuse anyone of settling.
Most of the people I long considered to have settled seem genuinely happy.
Happier than me, most of the time.
But for me, happiness comes from being challenged. This applies to just about every part of my life… physically, emotionally, professionally…
If there’s not a challenge in a specific area of my life, I find myself creating one, sometimes subconsciously. It’s true that I have been known to even create conflict in relationships, just to have a challenge there.
Stupid, huh?
The point is that by creating conflict, I’m settling. There are better ways to be challenged, and the conflict causes problems in the long run.
All of these blogs about growing older have centered on decision making.
“You live with decisions that you make in your life. What steers your direction is hard to understand,” Randy sings.
Here is what I’ve come to realize when I find myself wondering why all the important decisions are so tough:
They are tough because they are important. They are not important because they are tough.
Realize how little you know, and you’re already ahead of the game. Realizing your insignificance makes you more significant.
And most importantly:
I’ve spent half my life looking at decisions as necessary roadblocks to the rest of my life. But you don’t solve life. You live it.
You don’t solve life. You live it.
Those decisions are part of life. Embrace them. Enjoy the possibility of giving your life a drastic new direction.
* * * * *
All of my thoughts on aging were put into physical form this past weekend, when my grandfather celebrated his 80th birthday. I was lucky enough to get to go home to attend the party.
Folks between the ages of 60 and 90 showed up to wish him a happy birthday and talk about old times. What a scene.
I consider my grandfather to be among the greatest men I’ve ever known. Just sitting there listening to other people talk about him made me proud to know him, and honored to be a part of that family. The truth is that all people older than we are have something to offer us. It’s often called wisdom but I really think it’s sometimes just perspective. The older you get, the more perspective you have, allowing you to make better decisions.
“Youth is wasted on the young,” they say.
Most of us only begin to appreciate our youth as it’s slipping away. But there’s a small window, just before you reach 30, when you can actually appreciate the freedoms youth affords you. I feel like that’s where I am.
One day I hope to be sitting at my 80th birthday party, talking to all of you about the myspace boom. Some of us will be in wheelchairs, some of us with canes. I believe we’ll all be very different people than we are now.
The choices we make between now and then will determine who we become.
See you there.
© September 19, 2006
