I’ve been thinking a good deal about the last movie I saw, He’s Just Not That Into You.
It’s a good flick. Even for guys. It’s an alarmingly honest look at some big problems with what I refer to as the “dating game.”
The way we seek a mate is confusing. Inefficient. Tiring. Frustrating. And exhausting.
The fault lies with both genders.
Here are some questions, ideas, and comments I’d like to throw into the mix.
Why do we date? Is the process for finding a mate different from that of finding a friend? Should they be different?
What does a perfect relationship look like? Is there such a thing?
Why do we need to be loved? Where does God fit into the dating routine?
I haven’t been on a ton of dates, but I’ve been on enough. Enough to know the drill.
And here is the drill.
Sell yourself.
Note reactions of girl to humor, honesty, and a few intimate details.
Smile.
Be cool.
Pay for the event.
Hide weaknesses.
Listen.
Lots of eye contact.
Seem interested.
Show only controlled reactions.
Remember to use extra deodorant.
Blah blah blah.
That sounds like a job interview to me.
How about starting out with a giant pile of honesty?
Hi, my name is Brandon. Most people see me as a pessimist; I think I’m a realist. I still have hope for better things. I’m selfish with my time, though not with my money. I’m too jealous, and I bite my nails. For someone who tells so many jokes, I rarely really laugh. I think there is no true progress without suffering.
Wait. My date just left.
Aren’t the first few dates mostly fake talk meant to make ourselves look as good as possible? Aren’t we setting ourselves up for disappointment?
I’d rather hear all the bad stuff up front. Right off the bat, let’s hear the worst.
Then all the surprises are good ones.
Instead, we do this dance of seduction.
“Look how great I am. Get attached to the best of me, then see if you can deal with the worst of me.”
What if physical contact was not an option? What if the intimacy you moved toward was purely emotional?
I don’t know.
Obviously the dating game works for some people. I suspect there’s a better way, though.
How much of our lives are spent on less-than-fully-honest pursuits?
Life is too short to waste time. It’s also long enough to learn some lessons.
If it doesn’t work, change it.
Two Thomas Jefferson quotes come to mind.
“Truth between candid minds can never do harm.”
“He who knows nothing is closer to the truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors. ”
I guess that’s why I call it a game. So much of it is hide and seek.
