September 23, 2008

What I Haven’t Been Up To

I hate when people ask what I’ve been up to.

It’s such a default question.

Starting today, I will not be answering that question.

Instead, I shall be answering what I haven’t been up to.

No one ever asks.

Here’s what I haven’t been up to.

Kidnapping.

Yelling.

Drinking cat urine.

Staying in touch.

Listening to rap music.

Singing in public.

Learning a new language.

Murder.

Spending time on my myspace blog.

Exercising regularly.

Avoiding worry, confusion, and frustration.

Getting a haircut.

Buying sneakers.

Farming.

Missing my days in television news.

Pursuing a relationship.

Working on my newest invention: Ear Socks.

Dancing.

Giving obscene nicknames to everyone I know.

Drinking enough water.

© July 25, 2008

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